The other day I felt sad as if an emptiness took over my being, and I was wondering why? I have done everything I can. I have even set out to only see the beautiful side of it all. I meditated, exercised, read a good book, produced what I had planned in my work but still, the emptiness accompanied me… I chanted the mantra “it will pass”, I listened to cool podcasts, I didn’t read the news at that time. It did not pass.
I searched for answers deeper in the core of my being,
turning over some “messages” that I wasn’t willing to touch yet, and still, nothing changed. I felt guilty for not being more productive, for feeling scared, wanting to cry, and helpless.
And so, I went to write. Because writing, this one steals my anguish. Here is something that never fails. And I was emptying, emptying, and emptying. Suddenly it’s not that I was again seeing a little light right there.
And I began to see that way of thinking, so rigid and irreducible, began to unravel. I could try again, belief, hope. There are still forces here… I am not something solid, permanent. I am impermanence, I can change thoughts and transform everything.
Oh, the air! The air is coming back and I’m feeling strong. I’m strong. Yeah, this all has a good side, but it’s obvious. I believe I feel hope…
And more words on paper, more words on paper… I feel the air energizing my entire body and bringing me back. I wrote and remembered to breathe. And I also remembered that life is made up of cycles, like the seasons of the year. We defoliate, to renew and then retire for the winter.
It is not necessary to always be happy during this process,
nor to be an unshakable force. It is okay to feel sad. It is okay not to have answers to all our questions. On days like this, WRITE. Even if you tear up the papers later, even if you erase everything but put it out somehow, and you will feel your chest filling up with air again. It is how I feel now. We are autumn, winter, spring, and summer.
And it is also because of knowing sadness that we celebrate happiness so vigorously.
